Wreaking Havoc
by cake-error
Summary: Two teenage fangirl-authors get transported back to WWII, where they have the powers to...annoy the hell out of everyone? Whatever, works for us! Crack, randomness, cowritten with the-shadows-have-magic. Hints of various pairings.
1. Chapter 1

More crack from long, long ago...enjoy!

**EDIT:** Oh my God, I just realized my mistake now. I wrote this back when the-shadows-have-magic didn't have an account, so halfway through the story it relapsed back to her other name...I fixed it now, sorry! And it changed paragraphs and cut things off awkwardly...I fixed it now, I promise.

* * *

It was a normal Allied meeting-well, as normal as they ever were. America was busy talking about his "amazing battle plan of awesomeness" when-

BAM.

Two 13-year-old girls randomly showed up on the table.

One of them, tall with short brown hair and hazel eyes, stood up and began squealing, grabbing her friend's arm. "Oh my god, it's the Allies!" Her friend nodded vigorously, stunned beyond words.

Russia cleared his throat. "Why are two teenage girls suddenly standing on the table?"

The brunette frowned. "We're the authors of this story! We're here to make this meeting awesome!"

England frowned. "How the hell are you even here? And what do you mean, you're the 'authors'?"

The other girl, short with blue eyes and light brown hair, rolled her eyes. "You're all in a story. Duh. And we can make you all do anything we want."

"Prove it."

The taller girl suddenly grinned. And everyone could tell nothing good could come from it.

A large pink monkey suddenly appeared on England's head.

"What the bloody hell?" He sputtered and threw it at France, who screamed (it was a manly scream).

"Toldja so!" She sang.

She seemed to remember something. "Oh! Since this is a story, you can call me…well for the ease of the readers, call me cake-error, and my friend is the-shadows-have-magic."

They nodded weakly.

A large container of pudding fell on France's head.

"Oops!" Cake-error exclaimed. She didn't sound the least bit surprised or sorry. "I'm sorry, I just don't like you very much. Despite the fact that we take French in school. And...well, never mind." A large container of peanut butter and Nutella appeared in her hand, and she grabbed a spoon that materialized from nowhere and began to slowly eat it.

Russia frowned. "You like Nutella and peanut butter? But isn't eating that much bad for you?" She ignored him.

France smirked. "Well, isn't someone being a little PMS-y?" Her only response was to throw the spoon at him.

The-shadows-have-magic whispered, "That's 'cause she is, you idiot." Everyone was stunned into embarrassed silence.

Cake-error sighed. "There are, like, no female characters in here! It's so sad..." She turned and shot an inquisitive glare at America, who had been standing there for the past few minutes in utter silence. "You're being awful quiet, aren't you?" She clapped her hands and a large sphere of blue light appeared.

"Aren't you supposed to snap your fingers?"

"I can't snap."

The giant light ball exploded and dyed everyone's hair crazy neon colors.

"What the hell?"

She shrugged. "I actually had no idea what that would do." She pulled out a large metal rod with a rubber tip from nowhere.

"What's that?" A hint of trepidation showed in England's voice.

"Oh, just the endpin to my cello." A cello appeared in her other hand, and she set down the jar of Nutella and peanut butter.

Cake-error went to sit down. Before she could actually fall, the-shadows-have-magic realized the lack of chair and clapped. France fell and landed with a loud "Oof!" on the ground, while his chair flew up and slid under Cake-error in the dead center of the table. England laughed rather loudly and the-shadows-have-magic looked at her hands with surprise.

Before she could play anything, the door opened and China stepped in. "Um…" He stared.

"Yao!" She shrieked, voice cracking slightly. She began to converse with him in Chinese.

"What is she even saying?" Russia asked. The-shadows-have-magic shrugged.

China nodded faintly and took his seat.

France frowned. "Hey, if there was an extra seat, why did you have to take mine?" She shrugged.

Silence reigned for a moment.

"This is getting boring!" Cake-error shouted. She pulled a metal tube from her pocket and pressed a button on it. A long beam of light erupted from the other end. It was orange.

Her friend let out a long appreciative whistle. "Didn't know they had orange lightsabers."

The Allies stared at it in shock. Russia tilted his head inquisitively.

Smirking evilly, Cake-error sliced a shelf in half and proceeded to destroy the conference table. Soon, all that was left were a bunch of pieces of wood and ash.

America said, "What the hell is that?"

Cake-error gasped. "Oh shit! Star Wars wasn't made until the 70s! Fuck!" She cursed and threw the lightsaber out the window, where it impaled a poor, innocent elephant topiary.

She intoned, "_You saw nothing…Those weren't lightsabers, they were machine guns. Nothing happened at all._" They blankly stared at her.

"Jedi mind trick?" The-shadows-have-magic whispered.

"Yeah."

They stood there, and then Cake-error declared, "I think it's best if we go bother the Axis now, ja?" She nodded decisively and spun around, disappearing. Her friend followed suit.

The Allies all looked at each other.

"…I think it'd be best if we just canceled the meeting, went home, and forgot anything happened." America said weakly.

"For the first time in your life, you've said something that made sense. How does it feel?"

"Just shut up."

* * *

Next chapter, we'll see the Axis!~


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, I'm back with the next (and final) installment of this random crack. Thank you for reviewing, to all those who did, I'm glad you liked this~ And now, without further ado, let us (lettuce?) begin!

* * *

Germany set his papers down. "The Allies are having a meeting today. I think it was Italy's turn to spy-"

"There's no need. They've adjourned the meeting." Cake-error said in a matter-of-fact voice behind him.

Germany whirled around, pulling out his gun and hyperventilating. "Was zum Teufel? Woher kommt Sie die Hölle aus? Mein Gott, ich verrückt?" _What the hell? Where the hell did you come from? Oh my God, am I insane?_

(Sorry, my German sucks, anyone care to correct me? I'm too lazy to find a reliable German speaker right now...)

She smiled knowingly. "Hi!" She directed to the rest of the Axis. "It's nice to meet you! Call me cake-error and my friend the-shadows-have-magic~"

"Hi!" Italy smiled and waved back, though he clutched his white flag and waved it feebly.

The-shadows-have-magic stared at Italy, clutching a camera that wasn't there a few seconds ago. "Japan?" She asked sweetly. "Would you like to help me?"

"W-what do you need help with, Shadows-san?"

She grinned. "Shadows-san! That sounds epic awesome~" She passed the camera to him. "Just press there to take the picture." He held the camera gently before aiming it at his friends.

Germany was still stuttering in the corner. Cake-error comforted him. "It's okay, Germany, you're not insane, we're just writing a little story and you're in it! No need to freak out-"

"No need to!" He said in a shaky voice. "Natürlich ist kein Grund überhaupt, dies perfekt Bußgeld. Natürlich!" _Of course, no reason at all, this is perfectly fine. Of course!_

The-shadows-have-magic rolled her eyes. "Great, cake-error, you broke him."

She shook her head. "I think it's more fun this way." She handed a bowl of pasta absent mindedly to Italy and reached down to take her shoe off.

"Boot toast!" She declared.

"What?" Japan looked down, only to find his shoe had already been removed and was placed on the table and filled with foam. "Cake-san, this is completely unnecessary-I'm sure there are some glasses somewhere…"

She frowned. "Where would the fun be in that?" The-shadows-have-magic smiled and broke out into a terribly off-key rendition of Italy's Marukaite Chikyuu.

Cake-error poked her shoulder. "You know it was only made in 2009."

She shrugged. "Can't hurt to give them a hint." She not-so-gracefully transitioned into whatever she remembered of Pechika.

"Okay!" She pulled on some noise-canceling headphones. "Really, you can't sing. Sorry."

"Fine!" She stuck her tongue out. "Wait! Japan! I need your help~" She shoved Italy at Germany, who was still sitting in the corner mumbling deliriously, ignoring his protests.

"Aah! Germany!" He twitched and ignored the flailing country who was now sitting at his feet, choosing instead to mumble in German under his breath. The sound of a camera shutter clicking rapidly interrupted their silent exchange.

Cake-error frowned. "That's not how I intended for it to play out…" She clapped. Germany now sported a pair of fuzzy bunny ears on his head. "Oh! Oops!" She clapped again, and they disappeared. She frowned. "This isn't working like I wanted it to. Oh, and Japan?"

He turned to her, only to be slapped. "That's for Alfred and Yao. Both of them. Does that mean two slaps? Nah, aside from that you're a kind person." He flinched at the memories. "Ah, yes, Cake-san."

She brightened and pulled a large slice of cake out of nowhere to slam it into Germany's face.

He snapped out of his trance and stood up, only to remember the Italian sitting at his feet too late. He leaned down to pull him to his feet, and the camera clicked again.

Germany glared at Japan. "Whose side are you on, anyway?"

Cake-error sighed in happiness, wiping a dramatic tear from her eye. "Much better, though we could use some improvement, right, the-shadows-have-magic? Hello?"

Said authoress was petting a cat that she had conjured out of nowhere. "He's like Fuzzy, look, he's so cute~" The cat was indeed fuzzy, with long brown hair and glowing yellow eyes.

Sigh. "I don't know, are we overstepping our welcome here? Maybe we'll just end the chapter here."

"Fine. Do I get to keep the cat?"

"Sure, sure," she said absentmindedly "And for the coup-de-grâce~"

She and her friend disappeared…

…and a mound of pink cotton candy fell on their head.

"Scheisse!" Germany swore. He ran a hand through his now sugar coated hair. "You know, I think it would be best if we all went home." _…and drowned ourselves in alcohol, more like._

He heaved another exasperated sigh.

* * *

I lied. One more chapter. :J


	3. Chapter 3

THE ENTIRE WORLD NOW FACES OUR WRATH MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHH...

Yeah, my writing sucks, yeah, the plot (what plot?) is crap, yeah, I curse an awful lot, yeah, I overuse parentheses for humor (what humor?), yeah, I fail at languages, yeah, OOC-ness is everywhere, yeah, there is implied or explicitly stated gayness (for chrissakes, if you're reading ungenderbent Hetalia fanfiction, when _isn't_ there?), yeah, this is humor please don't flame me, yeah, crack is crack and it's not serious in the slightest, uh...I think I got all the warnings in...though why I didn't do this in the first chapter I dunno...

Now not only implied Gerita but implied RusAme! (My OTP infects everything. Don't argue with me on the veracity of their relationship if you want to live.)

For those of you who don't know, I have another account full of RusAme and other yaoi goodness...it's mentioned in the story and I wanted to make sure everyone knew so they'd understand...

And another fact you might need to know:

My Immortal is a loose Harry Potter fanfiction that butchers the English language and advocates being 'goffik.' I hate her just for that. T-T she probably doesn't even know what it's like to have true depression and cut yourself for a real reason...Anyway, I started reading My Immortal (there's this one story mentioning it by P-12-Technomage so I looked it up) and I barely made it past the first two chapters...oh _God_... I mean, "Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time." Really. That line made my brain die just a little more...

谢谢 means thank you in Chinese. 8D I can speak Chinese! Haha...ha...hahaha...

* * *

France and England were fighting (UST!), America and Russia were arguing (more UST!), Cuba was beating up Canada (...not UST...), Greece was sleeping (the usual), Japan was reading doujinshis with Hungary (they couldn't decide, RusAme or FrUk?), Switzerland and Austria were arguing (civilly, the Austrian would claim), Germany was being yelled at by Romano ('you goddamn potato bastard!')...a normal meeting for the world, of course.

_OLD GODZILLA WAS HOPPIN' AROUND, TOKYO CITY LIKE A BIG PLAYGROUND-_

America stopped and cocked his head. "Is that Ultimate Showdown Of Ultimate Destiny I hear?" Russia rolled his eyes. "Only you would remember something as trivial as that."

Willfully ignoring the snide remark just made by his former Cold War rival (you lie, it was very hot), he shushed the rest of the world. "Listen!"

_-GODZILLA GOT PISSED AND BEGAN TO ATTACK, BUT DIDN'T EXPECT TO GET BLOCKED BY SHAQ-_

A pair of teenage girls appeared on the table.

"What...the...fuck..."

The taller one dusted herself off and stood shakily. "Hi guys! Remember us?"

The former Allies and Axis paled visibly. Yes, they did. Germany began to back away into a corner, mumbling something in German and generally freaking out.

America only rolled his eyes. "Nice to see you too."

She turned to face the rest of the very confused world. "I'm cake-error, and this is the-shadows-have-magic, and we're here to-what was the totally awesome catch-phrase we decided on?"

The-shadows-have-magic was engrossed in a laptop. "Haha, look at this quote: 'I'm here to drink tea and kick ass, and I'm all out of tea.'"

"...never mind." She smiled deviously. "Hey, Feliciano? Come here for a minute?" Handing him an unlabeled cup, she watched with satisfaction as he tentatively took a sip. "Come on, I promise it's not poison."

"What did you just give him...?" Austria was almost too afraid to ask.

The-shadows-have-magic slammed her laptop shut. "Lots of caffeine."

Gulp.

Italy's eyes widened.

Oh, shit.

He began to tremble with jittery energy, bouncing up and down in place. Eyes open and wide, he began to speed-say something in Italian. His brother tried to pull his arms behind his back, snarling something even more threatening at them.

"Oi, potato bastard! You gonna help or just be the pansy-ass you are and hide in the corner?"

Said potato bastard's brother smacked him upside the head, knocking him out of his trance. He stood up almost automatically and pulled Italy to his chest, crushing him in a protective hug (f-for safety reasons, o-of course!) and subduing him (sorta). The rapid-fire clicking of cameras could be heard.

"YOUR BREASTS BELONG TO ME, DA ZE!" South Korea snuck up behind the-shadows-have-magic and groped her. Screaming bloody murder, she aimed a backwards kick to where it hurt (and missed...). Cake-error grabbed a clock off the table and slammed it over his head.

As he passed out on the floor, she examined the now horribly damaged clock. "Damn. And it was my favorite."

"...y' keep clocks." Sweden deadpanned.

"Yup~"

No response.

She put on a thinking face. "Let's see...what'd we say we were gonna do next?" Her friend was busy twirling around a ribbon. "Oh, watch this!" She snapped the ribbon and enormous fireworks exploded all across the room. Gargantuan pink spiders pinwheeled around the ceiling as sparklers glittered and sparkled.

England covered his ears. "It's bad enough Hong Kong does this to me, now you?"

Somewhere, Hong Kong sneezed.

"Tissue?" Taiwan handed him a Kleenex.

"谢谢."

Back in the meeting room...The fireworks rained down, and they found themselves covered with rainbow sequins. England had to admit, Sweden did look kinda funny with sparkles all over him-_oh shit he's glaring at me oh my god that's even scarier-_

Russia took his pipe and scraped some of the glitter off of the table before him. "Were the sparkles necessary?"

"Sparkles are always necessary!"

No response to this.

America was standing by her laptop. "Whatcha readin'?" He opened the laptop lid.

The-shadows-have-magic waved her hand vaguely. "Oh, something random, probably like MLIA...wait, it's open on your other account, shit!" She leapt over the table (so heroically, she'd later insist), but it was too late.

Russia watched America's face carefully. It went through a loop of shock, revulsion, amusement, and then extreme embarrassment. "You...I have nothing to say to this."

England snorted. "Oh, thank the Lord, something's finally managed to shut America up."

"What is it, then? You will tell me, da?" Russia loomed behind her, smiling creepily and starting the chant. She flinched. Leaning over America's shoulder, he read whatever story was on the page.

Finally standing upright, he smirked. "We should try that sometime, da? America?"

"Hell no, you bastard!" A well-aimed punch to the groin incapacitated said bastard and left America smiling triumphantly over the Slavic nation writhing and moaning in pain.

Cake-error drifted over. "Which one did he read...oh. Oh. _Oh._" She pressed a few keys and smiled uneasily. "At least it wasn't My Immortal or something like that. Let's just keep going..."

She pulled out a backpack from under the table and reached inside to start throwing folded socks at them. As England opened his mouth to say something, a pair of navy-and-gold striped knee socks blocked whatever it was and elicited a wave of laughter from the rest of the room. "Come on, why do you hate me? I thought you hated France!"

She nodded. "You're right. I do." And promptly knocked France down with some neon pink ankle socks.

Korea started to come to. He stood up, wobbling and leaning on a chair. Cake-error only lifted the clock. "It applies to China, too."

Sighing in satisfaction, she set the broken time-keeper down. "I love being the author. It lets me be insanely strong _and_ boss around the world. But I think I have cello class in a few minutes, so we'd better get going."

The-shadows-have-magic waved and smiled. "It was nice to meet you all~"

The two disappeared.

France tried to smile. "Well, at least they left normally-"

A cloud of feathers descended from the ceiling and coated everything in pink fuzz.

"You just _had_ to say something."

* * *

Well, there's your crack ending! A lot longer than the last two chapters, and took a hell of a lot longer to write, but it made me laugh. 8) So there.


End file.
